Kielder Castle

A holiday was called for. We'd been working hard and fancied a few days away. So, not having spent a great deal of time in Northumberland, we thought we'd venture that way and just relax, making the best use we could of our National Trust memberships.

We stayed in a lovely farmhouse B+B (Tosson Tower Farm) just a couple of miles out of Rothbury.

Setting off early in the morning, we knew that we'd be too early to book into our accommodation so decided to check out Kielder Water and Forest Park en route to take up a couple of hours.

Walks, mountain bike hire - all the things you'd expect of a good country park - with a castle in the centre. Now, it's not really a castle - more of a hunting lodge with a few displays of old gamekeeping implements and some stuff about recycling and the stars (all to do with the world famous Kielder Observatory). And there was a cafe, and free wifi - what's not to like?

The coffee cake, that's what's not to like. The staff member who served us clearly would have rather been somewhere else and, as the cake crumbled as she put it on my plate she just picked up the bit that had fell off and sort of jammed it up against the bit that was left. Maybe she thought it would prove that it was rustic, artisinal and home made?

The sponge was dry and loose, the icing hardly there and looked as though it had been added as an afterthought. Maybe it had been. Mind you, it was only £2.20 so I suppose I should make allowances.

Still, the wifi was handy and, after our snack we headed out to navigate the longest forest drive in the UK (£4.50 toll).

Price: £2.20
Walnut Garnish: no
Walnut in sponge: yes
Sponge: 4/10
Icing: 3/10
Filling: yes - but only just.

The Lowry

Living in Salford, as I do, gives me access to not just the theatres and other venues in Manchester but also The Lowry Centre at Salford Quays.

With an art gallery, exhibition space, 2 main theatres and studio space, there's usually something going on of interest.

There's a lively programme of comedy running throughout the year and I was picking up tickets to see James Acaster, Ellie Taylor and Justin Moorhouse this autumn and, having spent a few quid on tickets, I decided a cup of coffee and a cake was in order at the cafe.

I was delighted to see that coffee cake was on the menu - and it looked promising so...

Well, it LOOKED promising but: the icing, whilst nice and thick in places, was mushy and too sweet - not much coffee there at all. The sponge was quite nice but, again, coffee coloured but not coffee flavoured. And the slice wasn't as big as I would have hoped for. 

Now, to be fair, I didn't go there for the coffee cake, I went there for the comedy so I shouldn't be too disappointed but I was - as it wasn't cheap!

Price: £3.25
Walnut Garnish: no
Walnut in sponge: no
Sponge: 7/10
Icing: 4/10
Filling: no

Calke Abbey

A Saturday with nothing to do... so a day out somewhere it would be.

I remembered, from my many trips to Swanwick in Derbyshire, passing a National Trust place which I had always meant to visit but never actually done so. I decided to have a look online and reckoned that the place I was thinking of was Calke Abbey.

Owned by the National Trust, this 'unstately home' as they call it has an interesting history. Its last owner was a single man - who only used three rooms. The rest were just locked up.

Now, I don't know if the NT took a conscious decision to leave things as they were as a statement or whether there just wasn't the money to do all the necessary work to restore the house to its former glory but the National Trust says it was the former so who am I to argue?

This means that the house is, well, a bit sad and sorry looking. Rooms that were clearly used as just a dumping ground for stuff that wasn't being used have been left exactly as they were found. Most of the rooms look tired and unkempt - which is the point, I suppose.

A few rooms have been maintained/restored (and structural work has been carried out to make the place safe) but there is an undeniable feeling of gloom and faded glory pervading the whole structure.

We entered through the courtyard and were a bit surprised to look in a stable and see a picture of, well, the same stable! Couldn't see the point of that to be honest...



It was only on moving away to look in the next unkempt outhouse that the reason for the picture, quite literally, revealed itself.



One up to the National Trust there. So much of what we see depends on our perspective!

Thankfully, one of the buildings which has had money lavished upon it is another stable block which now houses the cafe and obligatory shop. And, joy of joys, they sold Coffee and Walnut cake. Otherwise this post wouldn't exist.

It was a decent sized slice. There were plenty, and I mean, PLENTY of walnuts in the sponge and some flakes on the top icing.



So, you can see the picture - but what did it taste like?

Well, the sponge was delicious, the walnuts were plentiful but the icing? The icing was fluffy, insipid and, as you can see, rather thinly applied. It was tasty, but I can't help feeling that they missed a trick by not having a stronger coffee flavour to the icing (actually ANY coffee flavour in the icing) and more of it. Mind you, it was only £2.75 which I reckon is reasonable.

Oh, and I don't reckon this was the place I used to pass on the way to Swanwick after all... Oh well.

So, the not-at-all important rating:

Price: £2.75
Walnut Garnish: yes - flakes
Walnut in sponge: yes - lots
Sponge: 9/10
Icing: 3/10
Filling: yes - but only just.

Chocolate Factory and Coffee Shop, Orton, Cumbria

A tale of mixed success...

Sara and I visited Blackwell (a magnificent Arts and Crafts style house) in Windermere on Bank Holiday Monday just for something to do.

A summer holiday home built by the Manchester brewing baron, Joseph Holt (completed in 1901), the house sits impressively above Lake Windermere and is a classic example of its kind. It also has a cafe. The cafe, whilst having a reasonably good menu of home-baked stuff, doesn't, as we discovered, include coffee cake. Very disappointing, but a good lunch nonetheless.

We decided that what we needed was a trip to Shap. Not because we thought that there'd be anything there, but because we'd never been there and it was a nice day.

We maybe passed through it without noticing - or maybe it doesn't exist - but we decided to continue on to Penrith, surely there'd be coffee cake available in Penrith?

But, heading up to the M6, we saw a sign for a village called Orton which promised 'Crafts and a chocolate Factory'.  We'd never heard of it so thought it might be worth checking out.

What a pretty little village it is and, as promised, right slap bang in the middle, is a chocolate 'factory' (read 'workshop') with a coffee shop attached. Well, we were in need of a cuppa, and hadn't had a pudding at Blackwell...

A quick perusal of the menu showed that coffee cake was available. Result. Sit down, order and wait. And wait a bit more... they take things nice and slow in Orton.

And the coffee cake arrived ...

...and it's fair to say it was different from the norm. It was an individual cake, and it was slightly warm. Which was nice but didn't necessarily endear me to the fayre.. 

The sponge was decidedly coffee flavoured - but the icing? No. Not a bit - it was a generic butter cream flavouring that was also on the carrot cake (as attested to, and tested, by Sara). There was also no filling, although the price was reasonable at £2.60. So, a slightly disappointing offering. Immaculate sponge but nothing else to commend it.

A very nice coffee milkshake made with local ice cream helped me overcome my disappointment, mind.

So, the scores....

Price: £2.600
Walnut Garnish: No
Walnut in sponge: No
Sponge: 9/10
Icing: 2/10
Filling: No

Bents Garden Centre

I can't cope with gardens. As far as I am concerned they are a waste of a good parking spot. Why fill your garden with plants and flowers that then attract bees and wasps which means you're unable to actually sit in your garden?

Bloody stupid, if you ask me.

It follows, then, that I am not a big fan of garden centres. Bents Garden Centre in Glazebury has a redeeming feature though - its cafe/restaurant. Or, as you are constantly reminded by the adverts and literature, it's 'award winning' cafe/restaurant.

The food is really rather good. Premium quality - at a premium price. It's cheaper to go just about anywhere else to eat than Bents'. This is why it is 'special treat' only.

So, having paid close on £14 for a pork pie salad (and very nice it was, too) I finished off my meal with a slice of coffee and walnut cake. I knew they do this - they've always had it before...  but there were none on display.

Having resigned myself to no dessert I decided there was no harm in asking and, lo and behold, they had a 'couple of slices around the back'. Sorted.

The cake has a double filling - but very thin icing (although the fondant whirl is topped with a chocolate covered coffee bean which is a nice touch). The sponge is delicious and dark but the whole thing together was rather too sweet for my taste. and the price... oh, my word, the price!

Price: £4.20
Walnut Garnish: Yes
Walnut in sponge: No
Sponge: 9/10
Icing: 6/10
Filling 6/10

Tennants Auction Rooms Cafe

It is not often that I get to enjoy two of my favourite pastimes at the same time... but last Wednesday I did just that.

My friend (I'm not sure he'd agree that we are mates) Paul Brett has teamed up with auction house Tennants (in Leyburn, Yorkshire) to exhibit part of his immense guitar collection. In the evening there was to be a charity concert to raise funds for Future Talent.

I decided that a day out was in order. Ans what a grand day out it was. The concert, featuring such guitar luminaries as Ben Smith, Gordon Giltrap, John Etheridge and Raymond Burley (and, of course, Paul Brett himself) was superb...

As was the on-site cafe where I managed to snaffle the final remaining piece of coffee cake.

Now, I ought to make it clear here (as I haven't before) that coffee cake is different to coffee and walnut cake. Both have their place. Walnuts are not a pre-requisite for a coffee cake. They're nice, certainly, and they add something to the overall experience - but they're not actually necessary (unless you're buying 'coffee and walnut cake' in which case their absence would be a reason for a mark down!)

The coffee cake at Tennants (no idea who actually made or supplied it) was just brilliant. In fact it goes to the top of my favourite 'coffee cake not made by my mum' list.

It had everything - a lovely moist sponge, plenty of filling (though a bit more would've been good) and a slightly crusty icing on the top (and plenty of it). A great way to start my afternoon and evening of guitar related fun. Indeed the only way the day could have been improved was if I'd spent the morning watching Liverpool FC beat some other team (ANY team, would do) and if Ralph Mctell had been on the bill for the concert :)

Price: £1.50
Walnut Garnish: No
Walnut in sponge: No
Sponge: 9/10
Icing: 9/10
Filling 8/10

I don't suppose Tennants can guarantee that coffee cake will be available every time... but it ought to be. Paul's exhibition is on display until June 20th when some of his instruments are due to be auctioned...

People's History Museum, Manchester

Okay, first of all let me declare an interest here ... my eldest daughter is an archivist at the People's History Museum so I am naturally predisposed towards giving a good rating. With that in mind:

The museum itself is a fantastic visit. wonderfully situated in Manchester city centre, near the canal, the staff are extremely friendly, knowledgeable and generous with their time and enthusiastic about their displays. In the run up to the general Election there is a great exhibition which explains how elections work in this country (or, at least, how they are supposed to work!) which is non-party biased and extremely informative. (did you know that we have 650 MPs in the UK but that the House of Commons only has seats for 497?)

Anyway, I wasn't there for the exhibitions, really, I was there because my daughter said they had coffee cake. And they did.

Now, I have to say that I was disappointed. The cake was extremely tasty, with a nice moist sponge and very tasty icing - but the icing didn't go all the way to the edge - almost as if they'd run out. The filling wasd there - but not much of it. I was worried, I was going to have to mark this down as a poor effort and incur the wrath of my flesh and blood. My ratings were:

Price: £2.45
Walnut Garnish: Yes
Walnut in sponge: No
Sponge: 9/10
Icing: 5/10
Filling 6/10

As luck would have it, I had a meeting in Manchester a couple of days later and took the chance to have lunch with my daughter. She had the stew, I had a butty - and another piece of coffee cake. It was markedly different - and better. More icing, all the way to the edge. Same great sponge, WAY more filling. So I decided to cheat and offer new ratings:

Price: £2.45
Walnut Garnish: Yes
Walnut in sponge: No
Sponge: 9/10
Icing: 8/10
Filling 8/10

Okay, you'll probably not go to the PHM just for the cafe/cake - and nor should you. It's a great visit as part of your day in Manchester. But, whilst you're there, if you fancy a bite to eat, just check if the coffee cake has icing all the way to the edge - and have a slice :)